Had my review today, it went well. Ate a chicken parmesan sammich, it was a 5 out of 10. Had chunks of vegetables in it, so that’s a big point deduction right there. I survived Karate and only hurt for a few days. I didn’t go back right away because I was feeling very sick to my stomache and that’s never a good way for me to exercise. I want to take things easy at first. So I plan to go again tonight.

Lately I have been craving a hotdog. Not just any hotdog, but a NYC street hotdog from one of those nomadic vendors on the corner. This (with my stomach) is like bungee jumping with no tether. Sometimes I just need things that are no good for me.

Lauryn Hill on the Essence awards last night, her hair short and dressed so quietly: just her and her guitar on the stage. I got goose bumps listening “what we gonna do now?” she is so amazing. So strong. She is a hero of mine.

Work has been so busy lately. It’s spooky that I can type faster than I can write or think, for that matter. This is just another reminder of how wired I am, how fast paced and obsessive I get about efficiency and redundancy. This is a great “feature” to my personality, but knocks me off balance if I have no pull in the opposite direction.

I felt that walking up the 11 flights of stairs to work this morning (one of the elevators was broken and I didn’t feel like waiting)… I couldn’t bare to waste my time waiting for one of the working elevators to arrive, so I put myself through this nauseatingly physically draining (albeit wonder-woman healthy) experience just to avoid a wait. I was curious why I just didn’t wait; it probably took longer for my out-of-shape legs to propel me up the stairs than it would have to wait for the elevator. The point was that I felt productive walking up the stairs. I felt progress. Why such a need for progress? It permeates everything I do, and helps me to get ahead, keep moving, stay focused, progress, and progress. Staying still makes my skin crawl.

There is a danger in all this. Do I strive for things because of my obsessions, or do I really feel fulfilled when I reach a goal? In terms of more emotional pursuits, it’s hard to back off and go at things naturally sometimes because I find myself judging things on the same scale as my professional life. But now I am feeling super healthy after my stair climb this morning, and inspired to check out that karate class near home. I think starting up with that again from scratch at a new school will be a greatly needed, humbling way to check myself before I wreck myself. ‘Nuff respect due to Ice Cube…

I saw my first mouse in the subway the other day. It was so small and quick. I was all psyched up to see some big honkin’ rat like thing. But it was just a mouse, and it was playing right underneath the sign that warned of rodenticide (didn’t know that was a word).

I have daydreams of saving people’s lives or possessions on the subway. Once, while I was holding one of those vertical poles that go from floor to ceiling, I realized that I could also reach one of the overheads, horizontal poles with my left hand. I pictured myself swinging from the rails, anchored by my strong ninja grip and pure willpower. There would then be some sort of mid-air kick and destroy mission, and then a return to peaceful and ordinary traveling. Bad guys watch out!

AUTHOR: William Shakespeare (1564�1616)

QUOTATION: Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself.

ATTRIBUTION: King Henry VIII. Act i. Sc. 1.

After having an apartment for a few weeks, it is finally habitable! We have heat! I never realized how much I could get my hopes up about being able to sleep in my apartment finally. But now that it’s possible I am overjoyed. Then there are the dozens of people I see every day in the subways and on the streets who know what it means to be cold. I hope they stay warm, and I hope they aren’t insulted when I give them a banana.